Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
In other news, I started my move to Grand Rapids today. My apartment is cute! Small and old, with wood floors and lots of storage in the closets. I'll post a picture or two when I get all unpacked and set up. I feel excited and nervous about the change! The future may hold many posts about boredom and creepy sounds I heard in the night, though, so be forewarned.
Seriously, though, please let me know about this background. Your feedback may lead me to either change the background or buy some new sinus meds... ;)
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
And indeed there will be time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?"
...Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
T.S. Eliot was referring to something different than I am when I think of it, but I still find it fitting as I come upon a big change in my life. In about a week and a half I will be moving to Grand Rapids to start an MFA program in painting at Kendall College of Art & Design. I'm excited and nervous! More excited right now, but the nerves come on in waves. I have moments when I think, "You know, I could just stay here where it's cushy...or...do I dare?"
I do dare! It's quite the rush to do something completely different! I promise to keep you up on all of the exciting happenings that I shall dare to do in the months to come. As long as you promise me to tell me about the daring things that you do, too!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
The whole thing really started with my sister Elizabeth. Having lived together for so many years, I have been witness to some real slap-happiness and intense silliness (I include myself in this, too) which has resulted in some hilarious and sometimes profound quotes. Since I'm a nice sister and am letting her approve of which quotes will go up here, and she's still out of town, I thought I'd warm you up with a few other quotes (then post hers at a later date). Some of these are from TV/Movies, some are from friends. Enjoy!
Quotes from friends:
"Katherine, there's something you must know: At heart, at my core, I am an adolescent girl." -Dave Pate
"What I need is a big tub of lust." -Joe Donnellon (while watching "Shrek 2")
"And I'm SO mad! Warlocks get 28-slot bags!" -Jen Irwin, talking about WOW
"It was a real tractor beam, if you will, for the babes." -Todd Lillian, talking about his "Star Trekathon"
"Awkwardness isn't so much a fear as a way of life." -Megan Mason
"So I just walked from the car to school and I couldn't have done a better job wetting my pants." -Quincy Harrison (it was raining hard)
"If I had a heart, it would be broken right now." -Jason Evans
"It's like last call." -Seth Johnson, talking about engagement
"My fantasy would be completely different...including some tight yellow pants, but yeah..." -Camilla Broderick
"I do love swine...as is evidenced by my dating record." -Megan Mason, talking about her pig collection
"I forgot it was Wednesday." -Me "Yeah, I have that effect on women." -Joe Donnellon
Quotes from TV/Movies:
"We're right on this guy like stink on a monkey!" -Kramer ("Seinfeld")
"Just look at him - square...the shape of EVIL!" -Plankton ("SpongeBob")
"Who among us hasn't snuck into the break room to nibble on a Love Newton?" -Mr. Peterman ("Seinfeld")
"I think 'better a happy idiot than someone who knows the truth'." -Michael Scott ("The Office")
"It was a tough night at the senior center. I had to flip the checkerboard in a fit of rage a little earlier than usual." - Arthur ("King of Queens")
"I'm bakin' like a toaster cheeser! It's so hot here!" -Ham ("Sandlot")
"Ah, Squints was pervin' a dish." -Yeah-Yeah - explaining why it took them so long to get there ("Sandlot")
"Pride is an abomination. One must forgo the self to attain total spiritual creaminess and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation." -Ace Ventura ("Ace Ventura, When Nature Calls")
"He who ha-ha's last ha-ha's best." -Nelson ("The Simpsons")
"Oh, I love today's music. 'Frere' this, 'Jacques' that...outta sight." -"Meaux" (Moe on "The Simpsons" during the "Count of Monte Fatso" story after Bart and Lisa had been singing "Frere Jacques.")
"...And I fell to my death." - Bill ("Still Standing" - after starting to tell his kids about this time he snuck out of his house, he said the above after getting a warning look from his wife - click on the link for some other funny quotes from that episode)
Well, those are some highlights. Do you have any funny quotes, either from people you know or from the media? Share, please! I love a good quote...in case you couldn't tell...
Monday, June 22, 2009
8:24 am. The broad out front is a pushy dame, always eyein' me, makin' me jumpy. I tell myself she's just doin' her job, but it doesn't help. Her name is Suzie. Or maybe Elaine. Never can keep those names straight. I call her Blondie in my head, Ma'am to her face.
My name's Terry. Secrah Terry. I got this gig a week ago, and it seemed like a glamorous deal. Sometimes I look back and wonder what I was thinking when I agreed to it.
Money. That's what I was thinking. They had it, I wanted it. So I said yes. Big mistake.
9:12am. This place is some sort of kiddie racket. They're either buyin' 'em or sellin' 'em, I can't figure out which. They seem to be trainin' 'em up for somethin'. Labor? Some sort of trafficking? They sing a lot of weird songs - maybe they're like the songs the slaves used to sing to pass on information. Maybe it's some kinda germ warfare. Kids are fulla germs. Cooties, too. All I'm saying is, you get kids interactin' like they is here, ya got trouble comin' to ya.
10:42am. The bossman came back this week. Wasn't here last week, so it was smooth sailin'. Now they're ridin' my tail, keepin' me from doin' what I wanna do - Solitaire ain't never been so solitary now that I can't play.
Sometimes all you want is to be left alone, but here, that doesn't happen. Someone's always on your back, sneakin' up on ya, makin' ya work when you'd rather be back at home with a good book and a frosty bottle of beer. Root beer, that is. Cream soda if ya got it.
11:37 am. The things they got me doin' - answerin' phones, organizing stuff, helpin' people. Some o' these people really cheese me off, too, with their incessant questions and bellyachin' 'bout the smallest things. So we lost their kid? Ain't our fault he's a curious type. Seems to me the parent should be blamed for that.
Next thing ya know they're gonna be goin' on 'bout how some kid stole their lunch. And shoes. So what if the kiddie thief was actually a teacher? Whadda they think, we do background checks on these people or somethin'? They come in, tell us they're good with kids, we give 'em a job. Capiche?
12:04pm. The dame out front just left with a bag of food. Good thing, too, way she was lookin' at me. I don't wanna cause any trouble unless someone is askin' for it. And let me tell ya, those shifty eyes of hers were fillin' out a request form.
12:16 pm. It's cold in here. Too cold. Somethin' tells me they're tryin' a new approach with the kiddies - freezin' 'em out.
12:22pm. Some broad in a pink shirt just came in askin' for keys. Wonder what they're lockin' up here? Or maybe I should ask who they're lockin' up. Good front really. Advertise some sorta camp, then lock 'em up and put 'em to work. Wonder what the penalty is for squealin'? My guess - melted ice cream in a soggy cone for snack next day. Nothin' worse'n that.
12:34pm. Pinky just brought the keys back. Maybe I shoulda asked her what she was lockin' up. No use, really. All she'd tell me is some cover story - toys for the kiddies or art supplies. Why bother, anyway? This gig ain't gonna last long, then I'm outta here.
12:38pm. I can hear someone shreddin' papers. What are they hidin'? Hmmm...sounds like they're doin' some kinda project with it. Arts and crafts? This joint is bafflin' me. Just when ya think ya got it figured out, they pull out somethin' tricky like arts and crafts. Maybe I pegged 'em all wrong. I don't think so, but maybe.
12:44pm. Blondie just walked in with an empty bag and a look of satisfaction on her face. I had a feeling she'd be back. What does she think it is, lunch time?
Oh, it is. Guess I'd better 23-skidoo. Gotta get somethin' to fill my empty belly...looks like it's gonna be a looong day.
(For more Calvin as Tracer Bullet, click on the comics above.)
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
It was later that day that I started thinking about logistics. That piano wasn't going to move itself, which meant that I was going to have to approach my friends, people who I think generally trust me, to help me move it. If you think about terrible favors to ask, I think that asking for help moving a piano would be at or near the top of the list.
I spent some time thinking about other favors that would be terrible to ask. Favors that are above and beyond the call of duty. (Don't worry, I won't ask any of you to do any of these. This week.) Here are some that I came up with:
-"Could you please give me one of your kidneys?"
-"Our house runs on bicycle power. Could you take a 6-hour shift?"
-"My spouse and I are going abroad for 6 months. Could you watch our 2 year-old octuplets while we're gone? Oh, and our 15 puppies?"
-"I dropped my wedding ring into that pool of hungry piranhas. Get it for me, please?"
And, of course, "Could you help me move a piano?" I've offered food bribes to my manly helpers, but somehow it doesn't feel sufficient. I suppose I'd better prepare myself to give up a kidney. It's only fair.
Have you ever asked someone/been asked to do a terrible favor? Please share. Maybe you'll make me feel better.
Monday, May 18, 2009
I finally did watch the video and all of the images in my head of birds stuffed into pants pockets (I pictured cargo pants) went out the window. Technically, the guy smuggled (well, attempted to smuggle) them in on his fancy bird carrier socks. What in the WORLD was this guy thinking?! And how did he come up with that ingenious device?
I knew I had to share this story with all of you, but an interesting thing happened when I copied down the headline into my blog. (Again, this is before I saw the above photo.) A very vivid image came into my mind. Have you pictured it, too? I'll give you a moment to read over the headline again before I tell you what I saw in my head...
Did anyone else picture 14 Birds in Pants? Blue jeans, maybe? I know Donald Duck only ever wore a shirt and no pants, but maybe these birds were making a statement. Maybe they were trying to just blend in so this guy could smuggle them in to where ever they were going. (If it was a club he was trying to smuggle them into, the pants may have been sequined and/or [p]leather.)
Now I have an image in my head of 14 birds in sequined, pleather pants doing the funky chicken in some hip New York night club. It's not a bad place to be, the bird-filled night club in my head.
(I tried to find an image to put here of birds in pants, but, surprisingly enough, I wasn't able to find any. Maybe I'll draw one and post it here later. If anyone else would like to contribute a picture of birds in pants, please do!)
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
As a part-time art teacher at a charter school, I don't actually get a classroom, just a small office where I hide from the monkeys...I mean, children. I took a picture here of the wall I face while at my desk, which includes the 2 small mannequins that I ordered; the cart that I push around the school to teach art in all of the classrooms (I do NOT get paid enough...), and the magnetic Mr. Man and Little Miss mood indicator...better watch out when I'm Little Miss Scary.
Friday, March 27, 2009
I know, it's pretty exciting.
One thing that being an instructional assistant in this class has taught me is that we REALLY don't use a lot of the algebra we learn in school. Have any of you ever divided fractions outside of middle or high school math class? Or needed to find out what n equals? Now, if you have a job as a mathematician, then yes, you have. But what about us lay people? I can't say as I have ever multiplied or divided fractions in my average life. And n could equal monkeys, but it doesn't really affect my day. I've certainly used what I learned about percentages (though tip calculators have saved me from some math headaches), adding, subtracting, multiplying, etc, but beyond that, I tend to try to purge my brain of whatever algebraic knowledge I have gained.
Geometry, on the other hand, has been rather useful in my life as an artist/art teacher. All that we see in the world around us it made up of geometric or organic shapes, and understanding geometry is helpful in trying to transfer the image of an object to a piece of paper. I have learned to like geometry as it aides in my career, while algebra has become sort of a dirty word to me. (Though as an organized person I do tend to enjoy the fact that there are fairly hard and fast rules in algebra which, if followed, will give you the correct answer every time. Ahhh, organization.)
So, are you a lover of geometry? Is solving for n your life's passion? Do you find geometric shapes in objects around you, or do you multiply and divide fractions in your head while your roommates are telling you about their day?
I'll leave you with a problem of the day: If x=24 and y=3, does a tree falling in the forest make a sound if no one is around to hear it?
Friday, March 13, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends-
It gives a lovely light.
-Edna St. Vincent Millay
Thursday, January 29, 2009
The basic proportions of the average adult human body can be measured using that person's head as a guide. (See chart.*) For example, the average person is 7 1/2 heads tall. (Again, using that person's head as a measuring tool; if you use another person's head it might not work as well.)
The conclusion I arrived at based on these results is the following:
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A farmer was hauling manure and his truck broke down in front of a mental institution. One of the patients leaned over the fence and said, “What are you going to do with your manure?” The farmer said, “I’m going to put it on my strawberries." The guy said, “We might be crazy, but we put whipped cream on ours.”
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a half gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was equally intrigued by the derelict’s intuition since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off her drunken observer to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, “well you know what, you’re absolutely correct, but how on earth did you know that?” The drunk replied, “’Cause you’re ugly.”
A duck was walking (waddling?) down the street one day and his stomach started to growl. He was just passing a convenience store, so stopped in and asked the clerk if he had any duck food. The clerk was busy, so was a little annoyed by the request from the duck. He told him they had no duck food, so the duck left.
The next day, the duck was walking past the store, still hungry. He walked into the store, walked up to the clerk, and again asked if they had any duck food. The clerk was even more annoyed and angrily told the duck that no, they had no duck food, then asked the duck to leave. The duck shrugged his shoulders and left, still hungry.
The following day, the duck, still hungry, walked into the convenience store. The clerk saw the duck, and said, "NO. We do not have any duck food! If you come back here and ask for duck food one more time, I will nail your feet to the floor!!" Incredulous, the duck left.
The next day, the duck's stomach was growling like crazy. He was near the convenience store, so he walked in and walked up to the clerk. Before the clerk could say anything, the duck asked him, "Do you have any nails?" Startled, the clerk told him that no, they didn't have nails at their store. "Good," said the duck. "Do you have any duck food?"
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
While I haven't set any specific resolutions, I have decided on a new motto for the year. Or maybe it's not so much a motto as a way of life. I've decided that this year I'm going to take risks. Not like Investing-In-A-Pyramid-Scheme-type risks, but Do-Things-I've-Always-Wanted-To-Do-type risks.
- Travel to/through Europe
- Visit my friends who live in New York City and Boston
- Sell some (more) paintings
- Meet a good-looking guy on top of the Empire State Building (it doesn't necessarily have to be on Valentines Day...that'd just be cool)
- Take a road trip through the middle part of the country with someone fun
- Marry a millionaire
- Get a full-time job (if the previous bullet doesn't work out)
- Get health insurance (which can be achieved through either of the precious two bullets)
- Buy a really cool old house on a few acres of land
- Raise chickens (which I'd need the house and the land for)
...To name a few. Those aren't really resolutions so much as they're things I'd like to do. With most of them (with the exception of the health insurance one), I'd need to take somewhat of a risk to achieve each goal.
Ellen Degeneres, in her book My Point...And I Do Have One, talks about being bored and realizing that she needed a hobby. Her description of how she felt when she realized that reminds me of how I feel about my life sometimes:
"It's like I'm sitting in a car but the engine is idling. I'm not even on the road - just off to the side. I see the others swoosh by me. I can recognize the shapes of the cars but not the direction they're going. I'm alone, all alone in a car on the side of the road."
I don't need any more hobbies, I've certainly got enough of those, but I do need to put my car in drive and get off the side of the road! I'm going to take risks, by golly, and be the blurr the others see passing them by! There's a great song from "Hello, Dolly" (that sadly was not featured in "Wall-E") that I've always liked called "Before the Parade Passes By." Here is one of my favorite verses:
Before the parade passes by
I've gotta go and taste Saturday's high life
Before the parade passes by
I've gotta get some life back into my life
I'm ready to move out in front
I've had enough of just passing by life
With the rest of them
With the best of them
I can hold my head up high
For I've got a goal again
I've got a drive again
I wanna feel my heart coming alive again
Before the parade passes by
So my friends, if you see a blurr passing you by, and that blurr is in a new charcoal gray car (one goal achieved!!), that's me. Grab on if you can, because I'm havin' me some good times this year. 2009, here I come!! Or, as Ellen said when she found her new hobby, "I will Iditarod and I will win."