Ivan, Ivan, He's My...er...Our Man!

I never thought I'd love a man named Pudge. Okay, maybe I don't actually "love" him, but I certainly like him a lot. (I don't "like like" him, I just like him a normal, healthy amount. Get off my back already!) As mentioned in my previous post, last Friday I went to Comerica Park, got a delicious Kosher Dog, and happened to catch a Tigers game while I was there. I also got to use my super-duper zoom to take stalker-like pictures of the players, but mostly they're of Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez.

So, normally, my "Type" isn't a 5'9", 190 pound man, but when you play baseball like Ivan does, well, things change. What I'm trying to say is, Ivan Rodriguez, if you're reading this, will you marry me? I realize that I said before that I only like him a normal amount. Well maybe I was saying that so anyone reading this wouldn't think that I was crazy. And I have obviously gone beyond that now, proposing to the Tigers' Catcher on my blog, but at least I didn't send him a Marriage Proposal Superpoke on Facebook, right? I do have some class.

On a slightly different note, the Tigers kicked some serious Bootay at the game! We have a theory, too, that part of the Rockies' downfall was their bad pictures. And it wasn't just that their pictures were bad, but their background really washed their pictures out. Every time they went up to bat, they had to look at their washed-out picture and feel all embarassed. The Tigers, on the other hand, had AWESOME pictures! It's no wonder they beat them 7-1.

Well, that and the fact that Pudge knew that I was there, cheering him on from the cush seats right behind home plate that Monica got us. He knew that I was comfortable and well-fed, and that made him happy, and when Pudge is happy, the team is happy.

Hmmm...I'm starting to creep myself out...another one of my Super Powers.

I ate a Kosher Hot Dog

And it was heavenly.

Seriously, Hebrew National hot dogs are the best! That's the whole reason I go to Tigers games! Yeah, that's not really true. I go because I was born a Tigers Baseball fan and have a crush on Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez. I'm too tired to tell that story right now, though, so I guess you'll have to wait to hear all about it. Ooooh, I'm cruel - dangling a carrot like that in front of you and walking away! I hope that you readers (all 2 of you) can sleep okay not knowing the whole Tale of the Tigers Game and Katherine's Tiger, Pudge. I know I will.

Stupid Answers

So Elizabeth "Tagged" me in her blog and had the audacity to tell me that I have to answer these "questions." As if I don't have anything better to do! Wait, I don't have anything better to do. Thanks for giving me something to do, E!

3 joys
-Witnessing the birth of a Naked Mole Rat
-Celebrating friends' weddings to things that they love, and committed to marry when a friend said to them, "If you love it so much, why don't you marry it?!" I always cry at those weddings!
-Helping someone realize their dream of owning a house...of cards

3 fears
-Becoming so beautiful that all my friends will hate me (that dream is coming closer to being realized than you might think)
-Never finding an outlet for all of my Super Powers
-Being eaten by a baby beluga in the deep blue sea

3 goals
-Being on an episode of Full House
-Going backstage at a New Kids on the Block concert
-Winning a gold metal for playing badminton at the 2010 Olympics (or if that doesn't work out, becoming World Heavy Weight Champion for that same year)

3 current obsessions/collections
-Autographs of comic book heros (I'm still waiting for Jughead to write me back...)
-Colored Pencil Shavings
-8 track tapes

3 random/surprising facts
-I'm in Tokyo High School's 1978 Senior Yearbook as Most Likely to Succeed
-I'm the reigning champ at the Saline Senior Center's Scrabble Championship
-I can run a 15-minute mile

I'm actually a Super Hero.

Bet you didn't know that, did you? It's true. I have many Super Powers. Probably the most powerful one is my Power of Super Hearing. I often call it my "Dog Hearing" because I can hear high-pitched noises that usually only dogs can hear. This power has its pros and cons. The pros being...well, I haven't come up with any yet (hearing the high-pitched squeal from the TV or radio has yet to be proven beneficial), and the cons are obvious, I should think. Oh, wait! There is a pro. I'm a teacher, and sometimes my students get a little disgruntled (through no action of mine-just the way kids are I guess...) and mutter things under their breath. The average human being can't hear these uttered profanities and the students know that. I catch them off guard every time. When I call back to them, "I heard that!" they always have a shocked and slightly disturbed look on their faces.

They never see me coming. Mark of a True Super Hero.

One of my other superpowers is the Ability to Sleep Reeeeeally Lightly. As of yet I have found few benefits for this power, too, though I suppose in case of emergency, fire, or Waiting Up to Hear Santa Come Down the Chimney, I would have the edge. I also have the Ability To Fall Asleep Loooong After Everyone Else. Some might call this insomnia, I call it my Power of Acute Indisposition Towards Sleep. Also comes in handy when waiting up for Santa.

Santa never saw me coming, either. Katherine, 2; Santa, 0.

Perhaps my least-known Super Power but the most effective is my Super Ability to Melt. Pros include:
1. Bad guys can slip on me.
2. I can hide in a toilet.
Okay, that's not really one of my Super Powers. I asked my nephew what one of the coolest Super Powers to have would be, and he gave me that answer. Or maybe that was the answer he gave when I asked him what the lamest Super Power you could have would be. Still, if you were slippery, you could have a Banana Peel as your sidekick. That would be pretty cool...ish.

My last REAL Super Power is my Super Ability to Tell Bad Jokes. You may not think of this as a Super Power, but what better way to catch a Bad Guy off guard and gain the Upper Hand? Picture this: You're in a Fierce Battle Royale and are on the Edge of Defeat. You are struggling, but realizing that this could be your End you have one last Blazing Moment of Clarity, and shout, "What's black and white and red all over and says Ho Ho Ho?!" The Super Villain, distracted, tries to figure out the answer, but you are too quick. You slip out of his (or her) clutches, shout out, "Santa after coming down a dirty chimney!" and deal the Final Blow.

Katherine, 3; Santa, 0.

ZING!

Brian clips his toenails on the balcony

Obviously a lot happened over the weekend that I haven't blogged about yet. You can see (in the photo) that Brian was very enthusiastic about his story. I told him I might blog about him clipping his toenails, and he wanted to make sure that I got all of the details right. And it's a good thing, too, since here we are, rockin it out on a Tuesday, catching up about Brian's toenail-clipping habits and wondering where he does his most effective work.

On a very different note, I'd like to thank those of you who took the survey about what you do when you're bored. The winner was "Eat." As a result I ate a lot this weekend and have gained 15 pounds. Some of that food was eaten at the Ann Arbor Summer Festival where I slurped down a delicious cherry flavored snow cone. Scrumptious! On the list of snow cone flavors, "Blue" was actually listed along with cherry, lime, etc. I wonder what Blue tastes like. For some reason I imagine it tastes like Green, but not so heavy on the Yellow. And a little like a Bomb Pop.

Vaughn and Elizabeth, as seen in this photo, are laughing at a hilarious story that I told. Ok, they're not, they're laughing about a story Brian told about Mr. Yummy. Ok, they're not laughing at all, just smiling cheesily for the camera. Man, that grassy area was more dirt than grass. I'm glad we moved later. It was for the best.

If you see this picture and think, "Who in the world would put Cap'n Crunch on their frozen yogurt?" then we were once of the same camp. I can now say with a great amount of conviction, though, that Cap'n Crunch and frozen yogurt go together like cheddar cheese and apple pie! Meaning of course that maybe not everyone would like it, but those who do will love it! (My mom loves cheddar cheese with her apple pie. I never quite got the connection, and always wondered who thought of that idea first, but then there I was eating frozen yogurt with Cap'n Crunch and I finally understood. Sort of.) Elizabeth, Vaughn and I had a rather deep conversation whilst eating our yogurt concoctions about what ever happened to the good ol' cereal spokescartoons. For example, where is the thief who always stole the Cookie Crisp? Did they think he was a bad influence on kids? Is that why he was replaced by that wolf character? And on a slightly different but related note, WHY couldn't the Trix Rabbit eat any Trix? Was he really so silly to want to eat some of that delicious cereal? Was it bad for him, like chocolate for dogs? So many unanswered questions out there in the universe, so little time to do the copious research that would be required to find the answers. If you have any answers, please let me know. Also let me know if you're craving sugary cereal as much as I am right now.

It's Friday the 13th.

I'm bored. Anyone have anything fun to do on Friday the 13th? Seriously. Anything?
Take my poll and let me know what you do when you're bored. That at least will give me something to do later.

Woman vs. Spider

Apparently my earlier post about almost seeing a bug was a premonitory post. Because yesterday I saw a bug, and it was no figment of my slightly overactive imagination, either. It was a Phidippus workmani, to be exact. Well, at least I think it was. I did some research and that's what it looks like. Well, looked like. Now it looks like a pile of goo.

Let me start at the beginning: Yesterday I went into my room and noticed something black and bat-like on the ceiling above my bed. It was enormous!! I looked closer and saw the biggest spider I've ever seen (in my room). It was black and fuzzy with white markings on its back. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I am not easily scared, I rarely scream, and killing bugs is not a big deal, and is in fact something I was often called upon to do by my sisters. This "bug," however, was nothing to shake a stick at. (Shaking a stick at it would probably have made it angry. It might have grabbed the stick and shook it back at me. It was that big.) I tried to work up my courage to squish it, and after saying some affirmations to pump myself up (thanks, Elizabeth) I grabbed a large wad of paper towel and squished it.

I wish that was the end of my story. It is not. When I went to gather up the arachnid in question into the paper towel, it slipped stealthily from my grasp and onto the side of my bed! This is the point when I let the first yelp loose. I shook my bed and it fell onto a book, and I tell you what, hard as I had squished it, it did NOT look injured. Swarthy little beast. When I pulled out my bed to get at the fiend, it DISAPPEARED! I pulled everything out and searched for the fuzzy little vampire, but it was GONE! I screamed again at some point in the search, I think when something brushed my arm and I thought it was the spider and I saw my life flash before my eyes. Not knowing what else to do, I gave up the search and fled the premises.

After a restless night, I awoke this morning with a renewed determination. Then I promptly forgot that and went about my activities of the day. Everything was brought crashing home to me when I went to get something out of my dresser and the foul beast of yesterday's drama was on the clock on my dresser across the room from where I lost it yesterday!! If I'd injured it AT ALL yesterday, how did it get across the room, up on my dresser, and on Elizabeth's clock?! HOW?? All I know is that I grabbed that paper towel and sprung into action! (I may have frozen up and stopped breathing for several minutes before springing into action, but that is irrelevant and beside the point.) I got into position, took several deep breaths, and tried to stare the ogre to death. When I stopped shaking and it moved a little and really freaked me out, I made my move! I grabbed it, wrapped the paper towel around it much more deftly than I had yesterday, and squished the smarmy little brute! (I may have also stomped on the paper towel and squealed while so doing, but again, that's moot.) I checked to make sure it was in there and I tell you what, it was. And in a new state of existence. I tossed the defeated scoundrel into the garbage can (in the bathroom - my bedroom's no spider graveyard) and emerged victorious! Now let's just pray that it was not one in a family...or else I am doomed. I think I read somewhere that jumping spiders are vengeful, vindictive little beasts.

Who Stole my Chocolate Chips?

It was you, wasn't it?

I come from a family of chocolate chip cookie connoisseurs. We know what makes a good cookie, what makes a bad cookie, and refuse to eat stale cookies - they have to be fresh or they're spoiled! My whole life I grew up with homemade cookies in the jar pretty much every day, which was a well-known fact amongst our extended family and friends. They would stop by, walk in the door, and head straight for the cookie jar. And oh, the looks we got if we failed to provide! The Stink Eye was invented in the cookie-less Downie kitchen.

The picture here is of a particularly delectable cookie recently made and eaten within moments - can you blame me? However, this evening I had a more traumatic cookie eating experience. I was biting into a cookie and discovered that...dare I tell you? I must. There were only THREE chocolate chips in the whole cookie! Where did the rest of the chocolate chips GO? I mean, is a chocolate chip cookie still considered a chocolate chip cookie if it has fewer than 10 chocolate chips in it? I have my doubts... I managed to eat the whole cookie, but it was seriously lacking in deliciousity (I like that word...should be in the dictionary). Not to mention that we were out of milk. I mean, HOW can you enjoy a chocolate chip cookie without milk? You dip 'em in water and they just get soggy. Yecchh. There are more cookies in the jar...I think the only way to recover is to eat two or three or four more.

I think I saw a bug...

I'm serious. I think that I did. I was walking outside and out of the corner of my eye I saw some movement. I thought to myself, "it's probably just a bird or a bat or something," and kept on walking. I mean, I've seen bugs before, but this was different. I continued to walk, whistling a merry tune (or maybe I was humming...I can't remember for sure - the trauma of later events drove the exact details from my mind), and I kept thinking that I saw something. Every time I turned to look, whatever it was was gone. They're tricky, those bugs. Always flying around, or else crawling if they have no wings - you never know where they'll turn up next! Finally I felt something on my arm, and what followed is a bit of a blur. I never actually saw the "bug," but if that was in fact what I felt on my arm, it's no longer of this world, 'cause I flailed around A LOT and slapped at my arm and basically obliterated whatever may have been there. "Now Katherine, couldn't it have been your hair brushing your arm?" you might ask. And you'd be correct. But let's just say I'd rather be safe than a bug rest stop.

Looking ahead

Just to keep you coming back for more, some future post titles may include:
I took a picture of some colored pencil shavings.
Someone hit me with a French fry, but I don't know who.
I accidentally unplugged my alarm clock when I tried to unplug something else.

I got a new staple remover

Disclamer: This is not a pregnancy test. It just looks like one in this picture.

I got a new staple remover yesterday. I'm pretty excited about it. You wanna know the irony of it all? Today was my last day of teaching, so I only had one day to use it. Can you believe that? I know, right? It's pretty cool, though - slides right under staples and pops them right out. Doesn't get any better than that, eh? Well guess what? It does. You may not believe this, but my new staple remover is magnetic at one end!! Amazing! That way you can pick up staples with it that you dropped! Will wonders never cease? I was talking to my sister about this earlier, and I could tell she was really blown away by that, too. Blown away or not paying attention to me at all; I couldn't really tell, but then I was SO excited about the staple remover that I wasn't paying that much attention to her either. It happens.

My calf hurts...

...and I don't mean I have a baby cow that got injured. Oh, man! I kill me! So, I have to drive a lot, and that makes my calf hurt. Why, do you ask? Because I have to drive a stick shift. I mean, hello! Who's calf wouldn't hurt if they did that? I know, right!? Don't GET me started! Sometimes I think that I should just walk places more, but that would also make my calf hurt. Both, actually. Lose - lose situation, eh? Maybe I should get a scooter. Do you think that would be ok? Or would it hurt my calf too much? Let me know in a post on my blog. I really want to hear what you all have to say, 'cause it could really help a lot. Maybe I could go somewhere to get a calf massage. Do they offer those anywhere? If they do and you know about it, let me know, too. I've thought about doing some sort of stretches, but keep forgetting. Don't you hate it when that happens? When you keep forgetting things? Happens to me ALL the time. What kinds of things do you forget? You should let me know in a post on this blog. That'd be funny if we forgot the same stuff. But if you forget that stuff, how do you remember that you forgot it, right?! I slay me.