Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Woman vs. Spider


Apparently my earlier post about almost seeing a bug was a premonitory post. Because yesterday I saw a bug, and it was no figment of my slightly overactive imagination, either. It was a Phidippus workmani, to be exact. Well, at least I think it was. I did some research and that's what it looks like. Well, looked like. Now it looks like a pile of goo.

Let me start at the beginning: Yesterday I went into my room and noticed something black and bat-like on the ceiling above my bed. It was enormous!! I looked closer and saw the biggest spider I've ever seen (in my room). It was black and fuzzy with white markings on its back. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I am not easily scared, I rarely scream, and killing bugs is not a big deal, and is in fact something I was often called upon to do by my sisters. This "bug," however, was nothing to shake a stick at. (Shaking a stick at it would probably have made it angry. It might have grabbed the stick and shook it back at me. It was that big.) I tried to work up my courage to squish it, and after saying some affirmations to pump myself up (thanks, Elizabeth) I grabbed a large wad of paper towel and squished it.

I wish that was the end of my story. It is not. When I went to gather up the arachnid in question into the paper towel, it slipped stealthily from my grasp and onto the side of my bed! This is the point when I let the first yelp loose. I shook my bed and it fell onto a book, and I tell you what, hard as I had squished it, it did NOT look injured. Swarthy little beast. When I pulled out my bed to get at the fiend, it DISAPPEARED! I pulled everything out and searched for the fuzzy little vampire, but it was GONE! I screamed again at some point in the search, I think when something brushed my arm and I thought it was the spider and I saw my life flash before my eyes. Not knowing what else to do, I gave up the search and fled the premises.

After a restless night, I awoke this morning with a renewed determination. Then I promptly forgot that and went about my activities of the day. Everything was brought crashing home to me when I went to get something out of my dresser and the foul beast of yesterday's drama was on the clock on my dresser across the room from where I lost it yesterday!! If I'd injured it AT ALL yesterday, how did it get across the room, up on my dresser, and on Elizabeth's clock?! HOW?? All I know is that I grabbed that paper towel and sprung into action! (I may have frozen up and stopped breathing for several minutes before springing into action, but that is irrelevant and beside the point.) I got into position, took several deep breaths, and tried to stare the ogre to death. When I stopped shaking and it moved a little and really freaked me out, I made my move! I grabbed it, wrapped the paper towel around it much more deftly than I had yesterday, and squished the smarmy little brute! (I may have also stomped on the paper towel and squealed while so doing, but again, that's moot.) I checked to make sure it was in there and I tell you what, it was. And in a new state of existence. I tossed the defeated scoundrel into the garbage can (in the bathroom - my bedroom's no spider graveyard) and emerged victorious! Now let's just pray that it was not one in a family...or else I am doomed. I think I read somewhere that jumping spiders are vengeful, vindictive little beasts.

No comments: