I'm actually a Super Hero.

Bet you didn't know that, did you? It's true. I have many Super Powers. Probably the most powerful one is my Power of Super Hearing. I often call it my "Dog Hearing" because I can hear high-pitched noises that usually only dogs can hear. This power has its pros and cons. The pros being...well, I haven't come up with any yet (hearing the high-pitched squeal from the TV or radio has yet to be proven beneficial), and the cons are obvious, I should think. Oh, wait! There is a pro. I'm a teacher, and sometimes my students get a little disgruntled (through no action of mine-just the way kids are I guess...) and mutter things under their breath. The average human being can't hear these uttered profanities and the students know that. I catch them off guard every time. When I call back to them, "I heard that!" they always have a shocked and slightly disturbed look on their faces.

They never see me coming. Mark of a True Super Hero.

One of my other superpowers is the Ability to Sleep Reeeeeally Lightly. As of yet I have found few benefits for this power, too, though I suppose in case of emergency, fire, or Waiting Up to Hear Santa Come Down the Chimney, I would have the edge. I also have the Ability To Fall Asleep Loooong After Everyone Else. Some might call this insomnia, I call it my Power of Acute Indisposition Towards Sleep. Also comes in handy when waiting up for Santa.

Santa never saw me coming, either. Katherine, 2; Santa, 0.

Perhaps my least-known Super Power but the most effective is my Super Ability to Melt. Pros include:
1. Bad guys can slip on me.
2. I can hide in a toilet.
Okay, that's not really one of my Super Powers. I asked my nephew what one of the coolest Super Powers to have would be, and he gave me that answer. Or maybe that was the answer he gave when I asked him what the lamest Super Power you could have would be. Still, if you were slippery, you could have a Banana Peel as your sidekick. That would be pretty cool...ish.

My last REAL Super Power is my Super Ability to Tell Bad Jokes. You may not think of this as a Super Power, but what better way to catch a Bad Guy off guard and gain the Upper Hand? Picture this: You're in a Fierce Battle Royale and are on the Edge of Defeat. You are struggling, but realizing that this could be your End you have one last Blazing Moment of Clarity, and shout, "What's black and white and red all over and says Ho Ho Ho?!" The Super Villain, distracted, tries to figure out the answer, but you are too quick. You slip out of his (or her) clutches, shout out, "Santa after coming down a dirty chimney!" and deal the Final Blow.

Katherine, 3; Santa, 0.

ZING!