Familial Promotion

When I was in high school, I did some pretty ridiculous art projects. Some of them I thought were pretty awesome at the time, others I look back on and laugh at how bad they were (are). Most of them I set aside for good, never planning on changing or improving them.

My brother, Sean, is a little different than I. In 10th grade, he started to write a story and ended up with a couple of chapters. He set it aside for a long time, finally picking it up again in recent years. The result of his cumulative efforts (those from high school and all of the work he did more recently) is a novel. A very good novel, called The Book of Simon.

Buy it Buy it Buy it Buy it Buy it Buy it Buy it Buy it Buy it Buy it

Ok, so admittedly this isn't just any old blog post. It may possibly be a post to promote my brother's book, which became available for sale last Friday at Amazon.com!! How cool is that?!! Imagine taking something that you started working on ~15 years ago, working and reworking it, getting advice from family and friends, haggling with the people through whom you are selling your product, then finally seeing that product for sale to the general public. What an amazing thing that would be!

The book that my brother wrote is about a man named Simon (believe it or not...) and an interesting turn of events that lead him down a path completely different from the one he'd been heading down. It's sci-fi/fantasy, but don't worry, enemies of Twilight, it's very accessible and geared toward adults! (Plus no whiny teenagers or love-sick vampires...not that I didn't like Twilight.) The characters are very relatable and fun to follow, there's humor interlaced into the plot, and the story has lots of fun twists and turns that keep you pulled in (I read it in two days!).

I realize that I might seem a bit biased, and maybe I am a little, but I know a good plot when I read one! (I also happen to have done the cover art, so I'm pretty excited about that myself.) I highly recommend this book, my faithful readers! You can find it at Amazon.com if you search under the name Sean Cameron, or if you click here (or on the not-so-subliminal link above). You may even see a review there from yours, truly...

Enjoy, and let us know what you think!

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out.

I came home this afternoon and felt like it was the perfect type of afternoon to take a nap. Kind of cool, a little overcast, plus I was incredibly sleepy. Perfect!

Apparently I need to check with the local wildlife before planning my afternoon naps.

I had just drifted off to sleep when I heard a tapping. An incessant tapping. It was like that Donald Duck episode where Daffy can't sleep because of the lights and the dripping, among other things. There's a part at the end of the episode where Donald goes a little bonkers, and really, that could've been me this afternoon.

I lay in bed for quite a while, half asleep, trying to figure out what the noise could be. Dad hammering in some siding? No, he was at the store. The neighbor boys being obnoxious? No, why would they be tapping on the side of my room? A ghost? If it were night, maybe, but not in the middle of the afternoon.

I decided to ignore the tapping, hoping I would drift back off to sleep. When the tapping continued, I tried ear plugs, but to no avail. This is where the hair pulling out, wrapping myself in my mattress, extreme measures to try to ignore the tapping came into play. At this point I knew what the sound must be, but was trying to ignore it, knowing that acknowledging it would mean taking some serious action.

I finally came to the conclusion I'd been fooling myself. There was no ignoring this sound, and the sound, a repeating triple-tap, had to be coming from a woodpecker. I couldn't think how a woodpecker had attached itself to the side of our house and why it was tormenting me, but knew I had to to do something about it. I got dressed, crept downstairs, and quietly opened the front door.

There it was, the demon bird:

It was perched on the side of our house, just outside of my bedroom, pecking away. Ooooooh, I was angry! I'm not a violent person, I am a nature and animal fan, and I've never liked guns. However...I have never wanted a BB gun so badly in my life than I did at that moment. Visions of triumph of woman over beast filled my head as I stared down with the foul bird. (As an artist, I also couldn't help in that moment to admire the bird's beautiful colors and plumage...it was a confusing time for me.)

Being severely lacking in guns, I reached for the closest thing I could find...a cane. I figured I could knock the beasty down and show him who was boss. And if that crafty bird hadn't flown off just as I emerged with my deadly weapon, he would've been in for a world of hurt.

Having thwarted my attempts at defensive tactics, I decided to take up the offense. This came in the form of bee and wasp spray. I grabbed a ladder, opened the garage door (I felt like a real warrior, the garage door slowly opening as I stood there, ladder slung over my shoulder and bug spray in hand) and set it up near the corner where the damage had been done. I couldn't be-lieve the size of the hole!!

It doesn't look that big in this picture, but it was about 4 inches long and 1 inch wide. What was that beast doing?!

I bug-bombed the area with the wasp spray as Woody watched from a nearby tree. Take that, foul fiend! I haven't heard any pecking since, but believe me, if I do...I may have to ask Santa for a certain Red Ryder BB gun.

Work Shmerk - or - Lessons From an Art Teacher

As an art teacher, I get to do all kinds of fun stuff, like order supplies. Especially cool supplies, like this awesome Elmer's Glue Dispenser Pump! I wish that you didn't think I was joking about how awesome it is. You try filling tiny glue bottles with a one gallon jug of glue and then you'll understand my excitement upon purchasing the pump!

I received an order the other day that included this box of colored pencils. I spent a considerable amount of time just looking at the pencils after I opened the box. There's just something so wonderful about brand-new art supplies that gets my blood pumping! (Glue pumping?) Another thing that gets my blood pumping is lifting 25 pound boxes of clay. I don't remember my art teachers being particularly buffed out when I was a kid, but you can't be a pansy and an art teacher. (Though really there are more reasons that that's true than just the heavy lifting thing.)

As a part-time art teacher at a charter school, I don't actually get a classroom, just a small office where I hide from the monkeys...I mean, children. I took a picture here of the wall I face while at my desk, which includes the 2 small mannequins that I ordered; the cart that I push around the school to teach art in all of the classrooms (I do NOT get paid enough...), and the magnetic Mr. Man and Little Miss mood indicator...better watch out when I'm Little Miss Scary.

What was my point again? Oh, yeah: I teach art to small children and annoying tweens, and when I get overwhelmed, I try to find little things to focus on to make me happy. Like glue pumps and mannequins and colored pencils. I don't think much about the fact that I'm an art teacher, but then, every once in a while, I think about Mrs. Walker, my elementary school art teacher. She was the best! She always seemed to have energy and great art project ideas. I remember once when a kid dropped his lunch tray in the hallway. I don't remember what food had been on the tray, but I remember specifically the spilled chocolate milk. Mrs. Walker came by just then and said, "Hey, look! It's art!" I must have been 7 or 8 years old, and that has stuck with me to this day - find art and beauty in everything you see. I wonder sometimes if my students will remember me and the lessons that I teach them.

Do you have any art class memories? Or fun memories from elementary school in general? if so, please share with the class!

I'm supposed to be working right now.

I'm currently at work, sitting in on the Course 1 middle school math class. It's likely that I should be helping the students, as I AM the instructional assistant for this class, but do they really need my help when they're just taking notes? I go around and wake up the sleeping students, regulate when students are misbehaving, and make sure their papers are filling up with fractions and the rules of dividing them.

I know, it's pretty exciting.



One thing that being an instructional assistant in this class has taught me is that we REALLY don't use a lot of the algebra we learn in school. Have any of you ever divided fractions outside of middle or high school math class? Or needed to find out what n equals? Now, if you have a job as a mathematician, then yes, you have. But what about us lay people? I can't say as I have ever multiplied or divided fractions in my average life. And n could equal monkeys, but it doesn't really affect my day. I've certainly used what I learned about percentages (though tip calculators have saved me from some math headaches), adding, subtracting, multiplying, etc, but beyond that, I tend to try to purge my brain of whatever algebraic knowledge I have gained.



Geometry, on the other hand, has been rather useful in my life as an artist/art teacher. All that we see in the world around us it made up of geometric or organic shapes, and understanding geometry is helpful in trying to transfer the image of an object to a piece of paper. I have learned to like geometry as it aides in my career, while algebra has become sort of a dirty word to me. (Though as an organized person I do tend to enjoy the fact that there are fairly hard and fast rules in algebra which, if followed, will give you the correct answer every time. Ahhh, organization.)

So, are you a lover of geometry? Is solving for n your life's passion? Do you find geometric shapes in objects around you, or do you multiply and divide fractions in your head while your roommates are telling you about their day?

I'll leave you with a problem of the day: If x=24 and y=3, does a tree falling in the forest make a sound if no one is around to hear it?

This Lady Really Freaked Me Out the Other Day.

Dangit. I really need to stop making my post titles so descriptive, 'cause there's not much more to say than that. She really wigged me out, though. Her eyes were all bugged out and she was gnawing on her lower lip with this crazed look on her face, all the while driving a red van.* She gave me the jibbly-jibblies. I really couldn't shake it off for a while! Great, now I'm going to have nightmares. Thanks for bringing it up again, guys.

*Um, if that was you that I saw, SO sorry. I didn't recognize you with that great new hair cut!

A favorite poem of mine with which to start your week...

I memorized this poem a long time ago, and have found it to apply in my life more often than I'd like...but the ending always makes me chuckle.

First Fig

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends-
It gives a lovely light.

-Edna St. Vincent Millay

An Artistic Analysis: Are Matthew McConaughey's Arms Proportionate To the Size of His Ego?

I assure you, my readers, that this photo is not here to be oggled at. It is here for scientific purposes only. It just so happens that it's rather difficult to find a picture of Matthew McConaughey with his arms down at his side and his shirt on. Ok, it's hard to find a picture of Matthew McConaughey with his shirt on, period.

It was brought to my attention recently (by Elizabeth) that Matthew McConaughey's arms are short - that they are not in proportion with his body. As an artist and someone who has studied the human figure, I was intrigued. As a result of my initial intrigue, I have studied in some depth the proportions of Matthew McConaughey's arms in proportion to his body. Again, I assure you that this was done purely for scientific purposes.

The basic proportions of the average adult human body can be measured using that person's head as a guide. (See chart.*) For example, the average person is 7 1/2 heads tall. (Again, using that person's head as a measuring tool; if you use another person's head it might not work as well.)

Some other handy proportions:

-From the top of the head (t.o.t.h.) to the pit of the neck is 1 1/2 heads

-From the t.o.t.h. to the sternum/nipples is 2 heads

-From the t.o.t.h. to the navel is 3 heads

-From the t.o.t.h. to the knee/bottom of the patella is 5 1/2 heads

Two other proportions that have particular relevance to my study are:

-The upper arm from the shoulder to the elbow is 1 1/2 heads

-The lower arm from the elbow to the wrist is 1 1/4 heads

Now it's time for some Dwight Shrute-style facts.

Fact: Matthew McConaughey's upper arm is approximately 1 1/8 heads long.**

Fact: The aforementioned celebrity's lower arm is approximately 1 head long. **

I believed upon discovering this that the results of my studies were fairly clear: Matthew McConaughey's arms are too short in proportion to his body.

However...

I reflected back on the fact that it was difficult for me to find a photo of Mr. McConaughey with his arms at his side AND his shirt on...note, again, that it was hard to find a picture of him with a shirt on at all. I hypothesized that perhaps it was not Matthew's arms that were too short, but that it might be that his head, the tool which I was using to measure his arms, was too big. I knew that the only way I could decide conclusively would be to do further research.

After many grueling hours on Google Images, and thousands of photos of Matthew at various beaches, parks, parties, premiers, awards shows, etc, later, I came up with a few new facts:

Fact: Matthew McConaughey had his shirt off in 83.5% of photos taken out-of-doors***

Fact: Matthew McConaughey had a slightly grumbly look on his face in 78.3% of photos taken fully clothed***

Fact: Matthew McConaughey is totally buffed out****

The conclusion I arrived at based on these results is the following:

Matthew McConaughey's head is larger than the average human male. This is caused, no doubt, by the fact that his ego is 7.3 times larger than that of the average male, female, or orangutan.***** As a result of the large size of his head, the measurements I initially did of his arms were inaccurate. It appears that they are proportionate to the rest of his body, they are just small when compared to his ego.

*Special thanks go out to my Life Drawing professor for the original chart, which I have adapted here.

**These are based on measurements done using photos only. Should I have the opportunity to measure Matthew's arms in person, I would surely swoon and end up stabbing him with my pencil or something.

***These facts are completely made up.

****This one's true.

*****Made that one up, too.