Do I Dare to Eat a Peach?

This year, rather than make several New Year's Resolutions, I made one. That resolution was to be adventurous! To do new things! To take chances and not be afraid of the outcome! For some reason as I've thought about some of the chances I might take, the phrase, "'Do I dare?' and, 'Do I dare?'" has been repeated in my head over and over. It's from a poem that I've liked for years, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot. The whole phrase is:

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?"
...Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

T.S. Eliot was referring to something different than I am when I think of it, but I still find it fitting as I come upon a big change in my life. In about a week and a half I will be moving to Grand Rapids to start an MFA program in painting at Kendall College of Art & Design. I'm excited and nervous! More excited right now, but the nerves come on in waves. I have moments when I think, "You know, I could just stay here where it's cushy...or...do I dare?"

I do dare! It's quite the rush to do something completely different! I promise to keep you up on all of the exciting happenings that I shall dare to do in the months to come. As long as you promise me to tell me about the daring things that you do, too!

I'm In A Movie!!

Look very closely at the above image. In the upper left-hand corner you see the torso of a girl in a black t-shirt and blue jeans. I kid you not, my friends, THAT IS ME!!!! I will show you the jeans for proof!!

As many of you know, last summer I starred...OK, had a supporting role in...OK, I was an uncredited (yet paid!) extra in the movie "Whip It," directed by Drew Barrymore. Well, the time has arrived, my friends...the trailer is out!!!! I have to thank my friend Andy Owen for informing me, for I would otherwise be unhappily oblivious to this fact.

I have studiously reviewed the trailer multiple times, and while I technically have not seen a still shot of myself (and belIEVE me, I reviewed it frame by frame), I know I'm in there. I watched many of those shots being filmed! The above photo is exciting proof of that fact!!

As soon as the scenes of roller derby in the warehouse with the crowds came up, I can't tell you how fast my heart started to beat. I kept saying to Elizabeth, "I was THERE! I SAW that! I was IN THAT WAREHOUSE!! Wow. Crazy!" etc. It's such a weird sensation actually having spent countless hours there last summer and now seeing those scenes and images all put together and in a trailer!

I'll stop gushing. Check it out, though! And please keep October 10th open. I know the movie comes out on the 9th, but I've decided to go watch (preview) the movie with Sarah on the 9th so we can: 1.) Get our giddy gushing out of the way without our friends having to witness it, and 2.) To see if I'm actually visible in any shots so I can point them out to my fans...err...friends. Oh, and 3.) To make sure I haven't made a fool of myself in any shots so I can distract the entire audience during those moments.

Enjoy!!

I'm on the Front Page!

As many of you know, I'm one of the chairs for the annual Saline Celtic Festival, which was held last weekend. Everything went really well, and I had a lot of fun! To top off a great weekend (including the Tartanic concert...you'll probably hear more about that at some point...), I'm quoted on the front page of the Saline Reporter! It's no New York Times, but hey, ya gotta start somewhere! Here's a link to the article on the Saline Reporter website: SalineReporter.com. I'll be signing autographs at the Saline Library. ;) I also drew the red dragon for the Red Dragon tent sign, complete with Saline baseball cap. When I win all of my awards some day, I'll have to remember to thank the Celtic Festival...

And I Quote...Elizabethisms

Well, folks, it's what you've all been waiting for! My sister Elizabeth is a very quotable person, and has approved of these quotes (this is starting to feel like a campaign commercial). I really hope you enjoy these as much as I do!

"Dictionary! You entice me with your words!"

"Peeps? They should be payin' ME $4 for 3!"

"...You know what, though? Scrabble players around the world would hail me as their Queen!" (talking about removing the letter Q from the alphabet)

"I love to see a woman punch a man in the face when he's asking for it! ...Put THAT in your quote book!"

"I can't help it if you guys can't draw a toilet with your eyes closed. It just happens to be a natural talent that I have." (Playing Cranium)

"Life is too short to finish a boring book."

"One of these days I'd like to learn the secrets of the number 9. Why isn't 9 everyone's favorite number? It's the only one with all those tricks up its sleeve."

"I'm going to type up my resume and under 'skills' I'm going to write, 'sarcasm, snide remarks, and mocking (especially celebrities and/or idiots)'."

"Why won't these church tapes play? It's like our VCR is run by Satan."

"You don't understand, but he heals. He heals me." (Joking about whether or not Dr. Mario is a real doctor)

"Ok, I just need to go. This is the 11th hour. This is when I do my best work!...It's go time. Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!" (talking about writing a paper)

"You know, I wonder if someday in my life I'll fall off a cliff and hang from a branch. I mean, it happens to so many fictional characters!"

"That's what I'm here for: to encourage you to do what you decide to do on your own."

"Hardly anything gives me the heebie-jeebies like claymation."

"I'd never marry a fascist. A dictator, yes, but a fascist, no."

"A roly-poly cannot enter a closed nose." (talking about "A closed mouth catches no flies")

"Boy, 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' really got us associating cellos with Asian people, huh?"

"I wonder if a Lifesaver got stuck in my throat if I'd still be able to breathe through the hole in the middle?"

"He proved that disfigured can be hot!" (talking about Gerard Butler in "The Phantom of the Opera")

"Man, that really brought out the WT in me. I knew it was in there somewhere." (talking about the demolition derby)

"Are we supposed to watch and, like, daydream about their life together?" (watching the happy couple dancing at a wedding reception)

"I've been curious about the worm for a long time. I've just never voiced it. And yes, I do realize that makes me sound crazy."

"Is this what it's like living with Elizabeth Downie? It's a bit much." (After I said something crazy!)

And I Quote...

Years ago I started jotting down funny things people said. I had these nuggets on napkins, scraps of paper, receipts, etc. Finally I took this little notebook that I'd bought in Thailand and started to compile the quotes there. There are some real treasures in this little book of mine!

The whole thing really started with my sister Elizabeth. Having lived together for so many years, I have been witness to some real slap-happiness and intense silliness (I include myself in this, too) which has resulted in some hilarious and sometimes profound quotes. Since I'm a nice sister and am letting her approve of which quotes will go up here, and she's still out of town, I thought I'd warm you up with a few other quotes (then post hers at a later date). Some of these are from TV/Movies, some are from friends. Enjoy!

Quotes from friends:

"Katherine, there's something you must know: At heart, at my core, I am an adolescent girl." -Dave Pate

"What I need is a big tub of lust." -Joe Donnellon (while watching "Shrek 2")

"And I'm SO mad! Warlocks get 28-slot bags!" -Jen Irwin, talking about WOW

"It was a real tractor beam, if you will, for the babes." -Todd Lillian, talking about his "Star Trekathon"

"Awkwardness isn't so much a fear as a way of life." -Megan Mason

"So I just walked from the car to school and I couldn't have done a better job wetting my pants." -Quincy Harrison (it was raining hard)

"If I had a heart, it would be broken right now." -Jason Evans

"It's like last call." -Seth Johnson, talking about engagement

"My fantasy would be completely different...including some tight yellow pants, but yeah..." -Camilla Broderick

"I do love swine...as is evidenced by my dating record." -Megan Mason, talking about her pig collection

"I forgot it was Wednesday." -Me "Yeah, I have that effect on women." -Joe Donnellon

Quotes from TV/Movies:

"We're right on this guy like stink on a monkey!" -Kramer ("Seinfeld")

"Just look at him - square...the shape of EVIL!" -Plankton ("SpongeBob")

"Who among us hasn't snuck into the break room to nibble on a Love Newton?" -Mr. Peterman ("Seinfeld")

"I think 'better a happy idiot than someone who knows the truth'." -Michael Scott ("The Office")

"It was a tough night at the senior center. I had to flip the checkerboard in a fit of rage a little earlier than usual." - Arthur ("King of Queens")

"I'm bakin' like a toaster cheeser! It's so hot here!" -Ham ("Sandlot")

"Ah, Squints was pervin' a dish." -Yeah-Yeah - explaining why it took them so long to get there ("Sandlot")

"Pride is an abomination. One must forgo the self to attain total spiritual creaminess and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation." -Ace Ventura ("Ace Ventura, When Nature Calls")

"He who ha-ha's last ha-ha's best." -Nelson ("The Simpsons")

"Oh, I love today's music. 'Frere' this, 'Jacques' that...outta sight." -"Meaux" (Moe on "The Simpsons" during the "Count of Monte Fatso" story after Bart and Lisa had been singing "Frere Jacques.")

"...And I fell to my death." - Bill ("Still Standing" - after starting to tell his kids about this time he snuck out of his house, he said the above after getting a warning look from his wife - click on the link for some other funny quotes from that episode)


Well, those are some highlights. Do you have any funny quotes, either from people you know or from the media? Share, please! I love a good quote...in case you couldn't tell...

Secrah Terry, P.I.?

I've been filling in for the secretary at the school where I work this week and last, and have found myself with a lot of time on my hands and not much to do. (The summer camp here doesn't need much help.) I'm trying to at least look like I'm busy, and this film noir-esque story is what I ended up with. I've been reading too much Calvin & Hobbes, apparently. (My favorite thing to do to make myself look busy is to type while glancing over to a blank piece of paper on the desk next to me. Makes me look like I'm typing up an important document or something. Big sighs from time to time help, too.)

Administrative Insisting

8:24 am. The broad out front is a pushy dame, always eyein' me, makin' me jumpy. I tell myself she's just doin' her job, but it doesn't help. Her name is Suzie. Or maybe Elaine. Never can keep those names straight. I call her Blondie in my head, Ma'am to her face.

My name's Terry. Secrah Terry. I got this gig a week ago, and it seemed like a glamorous deal. Sometimes I look back and wonder what I was thinking when I agreed to it.

Money. That's what I was thinking. They had it, I wanted it. So I said yes. Big mistake.

9:12am. This place is some sort of kiddie racket. They're either buyin' 'em or sellin' 'em, I can't figure out which. They seem to be trainin' 'em up for somethin'. Labor? Some sort of trafficking? They sing a lot of weird songs - maybe they're like the songs the slaves used to sing to pass on information. Maybe it's some kinda germ warfare. Kids are fulla germs. Cooties, too. All I'm saying is, you get kids interactin' like they is here, ya got trouble comin' to ya.

10:42am. The bossman came back this week. Wasn't here last week, so it was smooth sailin'. Now they're ridin' my tail, keepin' me from doin' what I wanna do - Solitaire ain't never been so solitary now that I can't play.

Sometimes all you want is to be left alone, but here, that doesn't happen. Someone's always on your back, sneakin' up on ya, makin' ya work when you'd rather be back at home with a good book and a frosty bottle of beer. Root beer, that is. Cream soda if ya got it.

11:37 am. The things they got me doin' - answerin' phones, organizing stuff, helpin' people. Some o' these people really cheese me off, too, with their incessant questions and bellyachin' 'bout the smallest things. So we lost their kid? Ain't our fault he's a curious type. Seems to me the parent should be blamed for that.

Next thing ya know they're gonna be goin' on 'bout how some kid stole their lunch. And shoes. So what if the kiddie thief was actually a teacher? Whadda they think, we do background checks on these people or somethin'? They come in, tell us they're good with kids, we give 'em a job. Capiche?

12:04pm. The dame out front just left with a bag of food. Good thing, too, way she was lookin' at me. I don't wanna cause any trouble unless someone is askin' for it. And let me tell ya, those shifty eyes of hers were fillin' out a request form.

12:16 pm. It's cold in here. Too cold. Somethin' tells me they're tryin' a new approach with the kiddies - freezin' 'em out.

12:22pm. Some broad in a pink shirt just came in askin' for keys. Wonder what they're lockin' up here? Or maybe I should ask who they're lockin' up. Good front really. Advertise some sorta camp, then lock 'em up and put 'em to work. Wonder what the penalty is for squealin'? My guess - melted ice cream in a soggy cone for snack next day. Nothin' worse'n that.

12:34pm. Pinky just brought the keys back. Maybe I shoulda asked her what she was lockin' up. No use, really. All she'd tell me is some cover story - toys for the kiddies or art supplies. Why bother, anyway? This gig ain't gonna last long, then I'm outta here.

12:38pm. I can hear someone shreddin' papers. What are they hidin'? Hmmm...sounds like they're doin' some kinda project with it. Arts and crafts? This joint is bafflin' me. Just when ya think ya got it figured out, they pull out somethin' tricky like arts and crafts. Maybe I pegged 'em all wrong. I don't think so, but maybe.

12:44pm. Blondie just walked in with an empty bag and a look of satisfaction on her face. I had a feeling she'd be back. What does she think it is, lunch time?

Oh, it is. Guess I'd better 23-skidoo. Gotta get somethin' to fill my empty belly...looks like it's gonna be a looong day.
(For more Calvin as Tracer Bullet, click on the comics above.)

The Worst Favor in the World

This past Sunday I made a possibly crazy decision. A friend of mine was selling his piano, and I thought to myself, "I've always wanted to learn, I'd like to buy a piano at some point in my life, and this is a pretty good deal...I'll buy it!" I woke up Monday morning feeling a slight sense of "What did I do?!" but recovered quickly.

It was later that day that I started thinking about logistics. That piano wasn't going to move itself, which meant that I was going to have to approach my friends, people who I think generally trust me, to help me move it. If you think about terrible favors to ask, I think that asking for help moving a piano would be at or near the top of the list.

I spent some time thinking about other favors that would be terrible to ask. Favors that are above and beyond the call of duty. (Don't worry, I won't ask any of you to do any of these. This week.) Here are some that I came up with:

-"Could you please give me one of your kidneys?"
-"Our house runs on bicycle power. Could you take a 6-hour shift?"
-"My spouse and I are going abroad for 6 months. Could you watch our 2 year-old octuplets while we're gone? Oh, and our 15 puppies?"
-"I dropped my wedding ring into that pool of hungry piranhas. Get it for me, please?"

And, of course, "Could you help me move a piano?" I've offered food bribes to my manly helpers, but somehow it doesn't feel sufficient. I suppose I'd better prepare myself to give up a kidney. It's only fair.

Have you ever asked someone/been asked to do a terrible favor? Please share. Maybe you'll make me feel better.